A Six-Year-Old’s Quick Take on Angels

The Angel Appears to Balaam, by  Gustave Doré (1832–1883)
The Angel Appears to Balaam, by
Gustave Doré (1832–1883)

Tonight my wife and I (with her taking the lead) were talking to our six-year-old son all about angels, trying to navigate his series of detailed questions:

6yo son: “What can God do that angels can’t do?”

My wife: “Lots of stuff… [she elaborates]… God can do everything….”

6yo son: “So what does he need angels for?”

I: “They’re his helpers.”

6yo son: “They’re like his little elves… his flying elves!”

Christmas at a Child’s Pace

Been spending lots of time with these
Been spending lots of time with these

Last Christmas a day full of opening presents was overstimulating for our kids, who were at that time all five and under. This year we got a little smarter (or were just better prepared) and let the children drive the presents-opening. If they wanted to stop and play with a present, we let them. If they were ready to open a new one, we let them.

It worked out pretty well. Our two boys each opened a Lego set early in the day, with homemade Lego storage/building trays from the grandparents, and played with them for much of the morning. Then, after a while, we moved into round two of opening gifts. All in all, we opened about 90% of the presents in three different stages on Christmas Day. We’ve opened the rest since then.

Leading up to Christmas we followed our family tradition of nighttime prayer and song and candles with an Advent Wreath. Our six-year-old took the role of “leader” most nights, our three-year-old was “acolyte” (i.e., he blew out the candles), and our one-year-old was the altar guild. (And by “altar guild,” I mean she climbed up on to the table and tried to take apart the wreath and candles.) The short liturgy had the same centering effect for our kids this year as it did last year, though this year there was more fighting over who got to do what.

Two lessons learned as a dad:

#1: It’s easy, even in a Christian home, even when you’re a pastor, to let other things besides Jesus rule your consciousness during the Advent and Christmas season. This feels like it might be a yearly challenge, with due deliberateness required to keep the focus where it should be.

#2: Following the kids’ lead as much as possible leads to a more pleasant Christmas Day. There’s no need to rush through opening presents. (And children seem to receive a lot.) I think how we handle #2 has direct bearing on #1.

I’ve been thinking now about the possibility of giving gifts in each other’s names to charitable organizations as the kids get older. This could become a meaningful part of our Christmas celebrations in coming years.

Parents of kids–what about you? How do you navigate Christmas and the days leading up to it with kids? What are challenges you face? What’s rewarding about it? What helps your family keep focused on what matters most?

Five Kids’ Magazines We Enjoy

Here are five children’s magazines we particularly enjoy reading to our two-year-old and five-year-old:

High Five

5. High Five

“My First Hidden Pictures” and “That’s Silly!” are two favorite features of the magazine. It says it’s for ages 2 to 6, but it’s hard to imagine any two-year-old tracking with it. Better for slightly older kids.

Ranger Rick Jr

4. Ranger Rick, Jr.

It comes from the National Wildlife Federation. Given our five-year-old’s penchant for all things animal kingdom, this one is a hit. Today we learned from the April 2013 issue that giant tortoises can live to be 150 years old. Whoa.

ladybug

3. Ladybug

From the Cricket Magazine Group, Ladybug is the next age level up from Babybug (see below). Max and Kate are a fun ongoing storyline each month. Our five-year-old transitioned to this a year or more ago when he was getting too old for Babybug.

click magazine

2. Click

The awesomeness of this magazine caught us all unaware–I’d never heard of it before a grandparent-sponsored subscription began arriving in the mail. The March 2013 issue theme is “The deep blue sea.” Our five-year-old did the “make a fish” project on his own right away, with some scissors and glue. The magazine’s “Ocean Zones” section this month introduced us to the sunlight zone, the twilight zone, and the midnight zone, each of which support interesting and diverse kinds of life.

I just found out that Click is part of the same family as Ladybug and as…

babybug

1. Babybug

Babybug is really sweet. It is “for babies who love to be read to and for the adults who love to read to them.” (It’s good for toddlers, too.) Kim and Carrots is a favorite each month, and always seems to be appropriately themed for the time of year. Simple yet engaging illustrations go with memorable and fun-to-read poetry. No part of the magazine is more than three pages, so not a long attention span is required. It’s not uncommon for us to ask our two-year-old to pick some books to read, and for him to come to us with three Babybugs.

(It’s also not uncommon for me to walk in to the living room from the back of the house and see my five-year-old curled up on the couch with a New Yorker.)

How about any of you who regularly read to children? What magazines do you recommend?

A Perfect Song

“North American Field Song,” by the Innocence Mission:

Lyrics:

Raincoats, Finlandia,
Raincoats and lakes.
The best words, I take along
in my field bag.
Across the morning, the beautiful air,
I will be aware.
I’ll speak if I dare,
and

Stay calm,
stay calm, stay calm,
stay calm in the meantime,

Stay calm,
stay calm, stay calm,
through the red and the green light,
stay calm.

No one can be so embarrassed as me,
I say to these trees,
where I walk with my head down.
Across the morning, the beautiful air,
I will be aware
my Father is there
and stay calm….

Tough Guise: Violence and Masculinity in the Media

Tough GuiseThis last week I was part of a panel for Gordon’s Faculty Film Series for the film Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity. Narrator and anti-violence educator Jackson Katz talks about the construction of masculinity through the media, particularly a masculinity where men are defined as tough, not “soft,” aggressive, etc. Here’s the summary of the film (from the study guide referenced below):

The idea that manhood or masculinity represents a fixed, inevitable, natural state of being is a myth. What a culture embraces as “masculine” can be better understood as an ideal or a standard – a projection, a pose, or a guise that boys and men often adopt to shield their vulnerability and adapt to the local values and expectations of their immediate and more abstract social environments. This projection or pose can take myriad forms, but one that’s crucial to examine is the “tough guise”: a persona based on an extreme notion of masculinity that links the credibility of males to toughness, physical strength, and the threat or use of violence.

There is a substantial study guide that goes with the film, which notes:

The central argument of Tough Guise is that violence in America is overwhelmingly a gendered phenomenon, and that any attempt to understand violence therefore requires that we understand its relationship to cultural codes and ideals of masculinity and manhood. Central to the video’s argument are the following:

» Masculinity is made, not given – as opposed to one’s biological sex;

» Media are the primary narrative and pedagogical forces of our time;

» Media images of manhood therefore play a pivotal role in making, shaping and privileging certain
cultural and personal attitudes about manhood;

» A critical examination of privileged media images of manhood reveals a widespread and disturbing equation of masculinity with pathological control and violence;

» Looking critically at constructed ideals of manhood – at how, why and in whose interests they are  constructed differently in different historical, social and cultural contexts – denaturalizes and diminishes the potential of these imagined ideals to shape our perceptions of ourselves, our world and each other.

The film was difficult to watch, not just because I have young boys, but because how masculinity is so often constructed in this society (have to be in control, must be physically overpowering, can’t cry or show emotion, etc.) causes damage to both men and women.

There’s quite a bit to digest in the study guide, which could be beneficial even without the movie. You can watch the whole film here. More about it is here.

A New Friday Night Family Tradition…

pizza

…is homemade pizza and a movie. The kids love it, and so do we parents.

So far we’ve watched: Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Mr. Rogers (Season 1!), and Wall-E. And the pizza is delicious.

Last week our Friday night “movie” was a friend’s fireplace and a blizzard, a nice substitution.

It’s a good way to wrap up a week.

How to Effectively Use the 2nd Person “We” (Parental Communication Tip #427)

You’ve heard of the royal We? It’s all too present in seminarian papers with just a single author:

queen elizabethCareful consideration of the textual data leads us to conclude….

Or:

We read with the majority of scholars in this case that….

And then there is simply, “We are not amused.”

a gold starFor some time now my wife and I have had the materials in hand to make a star chart for our five-year-old son. Through this chart we (actual We) seek to motivate him to do what is right (treat us with respect, pee when he has to instead of holding it) and not what is wrong (tell his younger brother to “Go to jail!”, get the Gorilla glue out without asking). Good behavior earns stars, and multiple stars earn a new Wild Kratts DVD, or (better yet) a trip out for coffee with Dad or Mom. (The no longer jail-threatened brother stays at home.)

But we still haven’t made the chart. So tonight at dinner I said to my wife, “Can we make our son’s star chart this weekend?”

To which she replied, “Can you make the star chart this weekend?”

I actually had meant We literally in this case, but I can see why she thought I was using the 2nd person We, asking her to do the chart. It’s a special grammatical usage that often crops up around here:

  • #1/Me: Honey, can we make some time to do the laundry this weekend? (Translation: I’m out of clean undershirts for work; will you wash them?)
  • #2/She: Abram, can we try to keep our clothes hung up around here? (Translation: Why are you strewing your jacket, dress pants, etc., etc. all across the bed so I can’t sleep in it?)
  • #3/She: Can we clear our dishes from the table when we’re done with breakfast? (Translation: AM I YOUR MAID?)
    towels
    towels. clean towels.
  • #4/Me: Sweetheart, could we possibly distinguish between a hand towel and a drying towel? (Translation: What’s with this MASSIVE HEAP OF UNDIFFERENTIATED MOSTLY WET TOWELS ON THE COUNTER?)

See? It’s softer, gentler, more effective. In #1 above, my wife sees right through my alleged effort at mutual janitorial cooperation. In #2, I know that she’s really trying for some cleanliness equity. In #3, well… if I expect our kids to clear their dishes, I ought to do the same. As for #4? Please expect a future post to address the merits of keeping separate the towels you use to dry clean dishes versus dirty hands.

But enough blogging about it. We’ve got a chart to make for Our son.

Apocalyptic Dialogue with my 5-Year-Old Son

flaming plane

It went like this:

Me: These Duplos have eyes all over them. It’s like a creature from Revelation.

He: What’s Revelation?

Me: It’s a book in the Bible. There are all sorts of creatures in it. Dragons, too. It will be a great book for you to read sometime, maybe when you are older.

He: Why?

Me: It’s a little bit scary.

He: Is there a movie?

Well, yes, son, there is a movie. Quite a lot of them, in fact. But we’ll start with the book first.

He’s started on chapter books with us, though, so we’ve been able to begin tackling some fun stories, like this. Revelation, perhaps, later.

Traveling Mercies

K-J tree table
Thing 1 and Thing 2

The first thing I noticed when we got to my parents’ new home in South Carolina was the smell of the pines. The boys spent time outside there almost every day these last two weeks–the “cold” days there were high 40s, low 50s. It was truly good to celebrate Christmas and New Year’s with beloved and loving family. I thought I’d miss “our” beach, but the woods made a fine substitute.

(Of course, as I watch the sun rise over the water and type back at home, I’m grateful for the living room ocean view.)

One cause for prayer before traveling to see family is traveling logistics. How will the kids do on the plane? In the car on the way to the airport? Will they skip naps due to travel, and will this mean utter mayhem later?

But on the way home yesterday, on the plane, this happened:

K-Js sleeping on plane
Thing 3 sleeps on Thing 2, who sleeps on me

Great logistics, great trip. I’m thankful for my family, and so glad we K-Js got to be with them these last two weeks.